A thinking man's spiritual quest - prologue

Since religion is near and dear to my heart, and since I fancy myself a thinking man, I thought I'd spend a bit of time exploring how I reconcile the two mighty combatants of science and religion.

Before I embark on this mini-memoir/process I feel it is important to disclose my background.

I would say I was not raised as a religious person. My family doesn't espouse a particular religion, I didn't grow up going to church or saying grace or even having any kind of religious connection to holidays. Easter was about candy and bunnies and Christmas about Santa and gifts. I think I was the only person at my high school baccalaureate who didn't know the Lord's Prayer. (I remember feeling ashamed at that.) Does anyone even have baccalaureate any more?

For some reason I am not clear on, while I was in junior high (I think) my two brothers went to Sunday school for a while. I'm not sure why I didn't, but I might guess that it was because at the time my best friend was a Jehovah's Witness so I would go to Kingdom Hall with him and considered myself a Jehovah's Witness for about a year. I think my JW time and my brothers' Sunday school probably coincided, but I am not sure. I do remember that one of my brothers' "homework" exercises was to memorize the names of the first five books of the Bible, a task I took on and was very proud of at the time.

I would sometimes go to church with friends from school if I happened to stay overnight at a friend's house where church on Sunday was the norm. I didn't "get it" enough to even know that different churches had different beliefs and practices. This may have happened at most a dozen times.

I remember in 7th grade social studies that I learned about Muhammad and Islam and how they called God Allah and it just naturally occurred to me that it was just a different name for the same God. (So at this time I was developing my belief that regardless of whether you called God Jehovah, Allah, or Great Spirit in the Sky, it was probably the same thing.)

I remember a time in 3rd grade where we were lining up in the hall for something (lunch maybe) and they would line up girls on one side and boys on the other. I was first in the boys line, and the person behind me was trying to talk me out of my prized position and said "Don't you want to trade with me? You don't want to be across from that Jewish girl." I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard and wondered why her being Jewish would be any reason to think negatively of her. (So even at that age I think I was developing a tolerance for other religions, maybe because I felt I did not have enough knowledge to know which one was "better" than another rather than through some explicit lessons of religious tolerance.)

I never really grew up knowing anyone who was not a Christian unless you include people who didn't practice any religion in which case my world was filled with them. My first roommate in college was Jewish, my first exposure to something different, although having grown up in rural Maine just going to college in New Jersey was exposure to thousands of things I had never seen. Drugs, prostitution, cities, people with money. I had known about four people who were African American, one of whom sat with me every day on the bus going to school. (I often wonder where he is now.)

While all this religious non-indoctrination was going on, I was well acquainted with science. Being a boy I was pretty well socialized towards math and science. Being someone who did well in school, I ended up in the advanced classes and enjoyed them. (I think I got most of my self-esteem from doing well in school and the praise I got for my academic accomplishments, so it was something I reveled in.) I was very logical and grew up in a family where feelings were not expressed well. In fact were pretty much discouraged. (This is my current understanding in looking back after years of analysis and may not be the experience or understanding of everyone in the family.) I grew to rely heavily on logic, thinking, and intelligence to solve problems, approach life, and engage in relationships. My pendulum had swung heavily away from emotions and intuition. They were for girls and not to be relied on. (More silly socialization.)

I used to believe in evolution and creation because they had been completely compartmentalized in my mind and never thought of together. One day that cocoon was burst and I realized that I had to choose between them. (More on that in a later post.) It was a quick decision based on my proclivity for science and logic. It was then I really started to question religion, and even grew eventually to consider that while I had nothing against it or people who practiced it, it really was only applicable to those who were weaker or less intelligent and couldn't make their own decisions about life. They needed rules within which to live. I officially labeled myself agnostic, though would freely associate with anyone of any religion. I had no prejudice against people I started to meet who were Wiccan or Pagan, though my provincial upbringing did preclude me from being comfortable with the idea of actually attending Wiccan religious observances. I had no qualms about going to church with friends, though I would often feel a little bit of guilt about not getting it or for not living according to the espoused message during a sermon thinking that if there was a God and it was really important, that He would certainly judge me among those who were wanting. Sometimes the guilt was just about being bored and not "feeling" anything during prayer and wishing I was somewhere else more fun.

I had two huge influences growing up and one later in life. My big lesson from my mother was to do what was right even if it wasn't popular. Don't be afraid to take an unpopular stand. My grandmother was the epitome of unconditional acceptance. She would accept and welcome anyone who appeared at her door. Later in life my provincial outlook, lack of worldly experience, and homophobia were all challenged, changed, and discarded through my association with my best friend.

I think that pretty much describes my background and the environment within which my spiritual quest would take place. Next time, "Look out for the first step! It's a doozy!"

Peace.