Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack...

Sung to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" (with my humble apologies).

In a seat that is narrow,
In a seat that is tight.
You give me some peanuts to advertise,
You really hope that I never get wise,
Let me munch, munch, munch all three peanuts,
If I'm not full it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three nuts, you're out,
At the old buy game.

You can call me dense, but I have finally come to understand airline peanuts. I'm pretty diligent at spotting advertising. Rabid, you might say. My senses are battered when I walk in to the grocery store by the densely packed visual assault. I find a trip to Wal-Mart to be an Orwellian experience that I avoid as much as possible.

There are two trends that I particularly loathe. Companies that advertise to children and movie theaters that assault you before the previews even run.

One of the worst offenders was Pizza Hut where my nieces were given activity books filled with Price Chopper references, and there aren't even any Price Choppers in Maine where I live. I don't frequent Pizza Hut anymore.

I also go out of my way to avoid Cinemark Theaters whose egregious practice of Entertainment Tonight-style "behind the scenes" previews of previews, followed by pre-previews, followed by previews, all interspersed with advertisements, prompted me to send them an email letting them know how offensive I found it and that I would never watch another movie there again. Of course now even DVD's flood you with previews before you get to the menu, but at least I have figured out how to skip most of those. Don't get me started on DVR's and efforts to prohibit people from fast-forwarding through or skipping commercials. But I digress.

Back to the peanut.

I'd always wondered about those little bags with the insultingly small three quarters of an ounce of legumious nutrition. They are a rare treat these days. Most airlines I've flown have opted to be peanut-free, but I much prefer peanuts to pretzels. Delta seems to be either rebelling or behind the times, but I got peanuts on a recent flight. I had chalked it up to cost-cutting, knowing that airline "meals" were more expensive. I have no qualms about cost-cutting measures. But why even offer micro-snacks? Why not offer larger snacks for sale for people who really want something and who didn't have the foresight to bring something along? I always stop at the grocery store before the flight a pick up some snack food. These snacks are so small, why bother?

But there it was, right in front of my face. The answer to all my peanut pondering.

Save 25¢. (See Back Panel For Details)

These micro-bags of micro-snacks are nothing but advertisements. Duh! It had slipped under my radar for so many years. This bag, which was so small they couldn't print the nutritional information on it had room for a coupon to buy more. They could have put the nutritional information on it, but then they'd have to admit you were getting less than an ounce of peanuts in exchange for the suggestion that you need to buy more. Especially when the coupon is for items of 5 ounces or more. How colossal that would seem in comparison to our micro-buddy?

Want to see proof? Look here. You can get airline-style peanut bags with anything you want on them.

Here is my suggestion. Always ask for a couple more bags. If we all ask for more bags, we could triple their cost of advertising and stop them from insulting us. Rebel against the insult. Take back our peanuts and dignity!

What will they think of next? Advertisements on the tray tables? Oops. That's been done. Though I haven't yet seen advertisements that show when the tray table is in its upright and locked position. Hmmm... Maybe I'm on to something.

Think about it.